awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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