Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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