remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
