she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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