You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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