Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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