I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
