call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
