I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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