I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize