I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
