At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
