Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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