At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
