My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
