I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
