Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
