he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
