Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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