You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
