I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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