we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize