That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
