they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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