She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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