Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
