All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
