Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
