i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
