One girl and one boy is just not enough.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this boner is exhausting
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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