i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize