Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
