so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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