Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
