How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
