I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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