So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
