I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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