There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
