so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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