you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
