absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
