Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
