fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize