his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
