I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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