dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
