well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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