Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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