your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
