Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
