yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
