Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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