I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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