the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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