I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
