the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
