She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
