He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
