Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want her autograph on my taint
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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