if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you had me at cake vodka
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
