is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
