so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
