Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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