I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
