can we get nightvision for the apartment?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's shark week go big or go home
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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