I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
