I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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