My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
