Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
