Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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