She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
