Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
