you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
