We're like a lot better than the average bears
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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