They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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