This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
