mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
