And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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