sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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