Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
